My Big Little Girl – July 4, 2018

Okay I will start this by saying yes this wasn’t written on July 4, 2018 but July 17, 2018 – almost 2 weeks after this date.
WHY?

Because it still hurts; hurts so very much.
What hurts?
Alexis

Who is Alexis?

Alexis is / was my 14 y/o White Shepherd that came into my life at 6 months old from a rescue.
Alexis was the dog I always wanted.
She was intelligent, caring, faithful, loving, my best friend, great to be around, over all just truly an amazing best friend.

I called her my ‘four legged daughter’ and my ‘big little girl’. I miss her so much and wish she was still around but relieved she is no longer suffering. <— that make any sense?

I miss talking to my big little girl. Yes I spoke to her and we had our own little language. I understood her and she seemed to understand me.

Yes I am sad and feel lonely. Why don’t I talk to someone about this?
I am, right now, talking to YOU.
With her almost every day of her life from when she came into my world, and with her gone, I feel empty.

Been asked will I get another dog? Right now, no way. I am too sore about this empty spot in my world and it would not be fair to any other dog I get as it WILL be compared to Alexis.

Earlier I mentioned that Alexis is no longer suffering. Yes she had lymphoma and it seems the cancer spread to her spine. Last couple of weeks her back legs stopped ‘working’. She could not stand herself and when I stood her she was able to stand for no more than 45 seconds and would drop to her belly.
Made going potty very difficult for her and many times in the last couple weeks I was picking up a dog soaked in either urine or worse.
Like a trooper she stood firm, fighting that cancer with all her might – and for that I respect her – but near the end she was not sleeping for more than a couple minutes at a time as the pain seemed too much. On some meds from the vet but near the end didn’t seem to assist. Her breathing was laboured and short quick breaths is best she could do.
It was decided to put her down.
Suzy found a service that came to the home.

On July 4, 2018, on her own bed, Alexis was given a needle to relax. This was the first time in ages that Alexis seemed to be ‘at ease’. Her breathing slowed down and she was ‘content’ looking.

The hardest thing I have done to date was watching the final needle be inserted into a vien and patting and providing as much love as I could to her while she took her final breathes.

OMFG, this is still so hard for me, and writing this is bringing back all the feelings & emotions.

Alexis, my big little girl, I miss you so much.

Hope there is an afterlife as Alexis will be with my father right now (they were buds) and one day I can be with you again.

Bye my best friend, how you enriched my life and for that I am so grateful.
Glad we rescued you at 6 months old – she was in a high kill zone and was to be put down in 4 hours before we said yes we want her.

Just a lovely best friend anyone can ever have.

I miss you and I do wish to walk, talk to, pet, hold, be with you again.

To My Big Little Girl

Alexis and Me
me & my best friend

Published by

Ray J. Ulbikas

Enjoying each moment as it presents. Try & Fail but don't Fail to Try!

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